Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

I've been wanting to post on this, but I've held my tongue because I wasn't sure how it might be interpreted. I've been a listening ear for someone really close to me for a while now, though, and my indignation has risen to point that I feel I need to just get it all out, you know? So here it is:

Why in the hell is it frowned upon for a woman to be confident or even a little arrogant?

I just don't get it. Women can be so self-deprecating! And why? I'm too fat. Too old. Too short. Too tall. I'm not smart enough, strong enough, capable enough. I'm just not pretty. I hate my hair. I want to get rid of these ugly freckles. I wish I looked more like you. I'd kill for her body, style, wit, etc. He doesn't really like me, he just feels sorry for me. It's a pity date and nothing more. I bet he lost a bet or something. 

Seriously, it just makes me sad. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm guilty of the same thing occasionally. But why? Are we, as women, conditioned to put ourselves down? Why are we looked upon by others (other women especially) as being a bitch if we embrace something that we like about ourselves? Why is it a sin to admit that we think we might be good looking, or have a nice body? Is it so horrible to own the fact that we're clever, or say to ourselves, "Yeah, I'm short. But I've got grace and a killer center of balance!" or "Check out my biceps. I've been working out for months and they're sexy!"

Why is owning your beauty, brains, style, or whatever such a crime?

The most hated heroines in books are those who come across as over-confident. Comments like, "She's such a bitch." or "God, could this character be any more conceited?!? She's so annoying, I wish she'd just die already." abound. But when a male character or even a guy in real life exudes the same confidence, it's sexy. The same disdain shown for the confident female turns into, "I love alpha males!" or "He's got this arrogance that I just can't get enough of!" 

So, as women, we admire confidence in men, but we loathe it ourselves???? 

In the eighties, there was this commercial with Kelly LeBrock where she said, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." I remember my mom complaining every time it came on. "I HATE that commercial," she'd groan. "That woman drives me up a wall!" Okay, let's face it: Kelly LeBrock is totally beautiful. And women around the world (my mom included) hated her for it for the simple fact that she was owning it. On national TV. It's okay to be beautiful, I guess, as long as you tell everyone that you think you look like troll. But as soon as you say, I'm actually pretty good-looking, you're suddenly a pariah.

Women! Own your beauty! Be confident in yourselves! Be courageous enough to not only think, but admit out loud that YOU ARE THE SHIT! And quit hating on women who've already discovered the power and allure that being confident brings. Just like we admit that confidence is sexy in a man, men are saying the same thing. "I LIKE a confident woman."

Every single one of us is beautiful, talented, smart, and sexy. Accept it. Believe it. Own it. 


Michelle McLean said...

A.M.E.N. :)

Yvonne Osborne said...

I double the AMEN. So, Amen!

I blame a lot of this on society. We cut ourselves down before someone else can.

And nothing makes me sadder than seeing little girls with PINK stamped on their behinds and makeup smeared all over their faces. But I guess that's another subject.

Thanks for speaking up.

Windy Aphayrath said...


Sandy Williams said...

Yes, we do cut ourselves down a lot, don't we? I'm terrible about it. I have a horrible self-esteem (took me about 30 years to figure that out! lol) and I have to constantly work at not being overly critical of my looks, my intelligence, my writing, etc. As women, society says we're supposed to be modest. Maybe we take that too far? And are men not supposed to be modest, too? I happen to think modesty in a man is extremely attractive, and maybe I'm the only one, but I hate overconfidence and arrogance in men just as much as society seems to hate it in women. Think Gaston from Disney's BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. Supposedly hot and awesome guy, but his arrogance and boasting makes him fugly. The only time that arrogance and boasting works for me is when it's done in a light, joking manner.

Amanda Carlson said...

That commercial took me back! I totally agree. I feel I used to be even more confident, as as I've aged it's waning. It's time to TAKE IT BACK. Great post, Scooby! XOXO