Friday, December 4, 2009

Blog Chain - Ode to Bad Writing

Shaun started this cringe-worthy topic and I guess I'm going to have to swallow my pride and jump right in. He asks:

What is the silliest thing from a book or short story you've written, and why? It can be a line or a paragraph or a whole page. Anything that you look back at and go, "Say what?"

Well, not to sound like a broken record, but I was a young mom. The first things I wrote were short stories starring my then 2 year-old daughter and my sister. Okay, before you read... 1) my daughter was a pretty sharp cookie when she was little 2) no child was abused in the writing of this story ;) 3) She was probably throwing a fit of some kind when I wrote the story. Get ready for an eighteen year-old mom's attempt at entertaining her child:

Once upon a time, in a kingdom often referred to as the Bad Lands, lived a young girl named Jacquelyn. She was the baddest of the bad and deemed ruler of the Bad Lands by the residents therein.

One day a young peasant girl named Mandy the Meek was mindlessly skipping through a patch of weeds. Little did she know that this certain patch of weeds was the pride and love of Queen Jacquelyn. Mandy, was simple of mind, had no idea that anyone would care a snit about an old patch of worthless stinky weeds, and skipped through them with carefree abandon.

From the window of her lofty palace, Queen Jacquelyn espied the young and silly Mandy girl doing a dance upon her most prized and favorite weeds. This sent the wicked Queen into a fury not seen often by the residents of the Bad Lands. She flew from her tower with the speed of a 747 and swept down upon the simple young girl with an agility that frightened the lookers on. The villagers cringed with guilt as they they witnessed the harsh tirade of the Queen and covered their ears at the screeching sound. One cowardly villager though, slunk away with a heavy heart.

Without a moment to spare the villager ran as fast as his stubby legs could carry him to the land of water, where he would find Niki Pickle, protector of all simple-minded fools. The villager told Niki Pickle of the evil Jacquelyn and her abuse of the Mandy girl. Niki immediately jumped astride her great steed and rode into the Bad Lands to once again do good for those who could not help themselves.

Niki Pickle arrived not a moment too soon, for Jacquelyn was spitting insults at the Mandy girl so fast that Mandy was crumpled in a pile of mush on the ground. Niki Pickle grabbed her staff of truth from her steed and proceeded to knock Jacquelyn in the head. One knock, and the staff of truth turned the wicked Queen into a good and righteous creature, never to do evil again. She still grew weeds, but it didn't bother her to have them skipped upon any longer. The villagers were so happy, that they awarded Niki Pickle with a lifetime supply of Spicy Mandarin Chicken, which kept Niki Pickle forever fed and happy.

The End!

Hope you enjoyed my silliest writing moment. Check out Rebecca's post before mine, and Sandra's tomorrow for more cringe-worthy stories!

14 comments:

Michelle McLean said...

awesome!! LOL Man, I really don't know what to post. I didn't really keep any of my early stuff. Hmmm, I'm sure I'll find something silly somewhere :D

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I'll let you know what I thought after I figure out how to stop laughing! ;-)

Cole Gibsen said...

Ha Ha! Love it! And what's funny is that my full name is Nicole and I had an uncle who always called me "Nickel Pickle". Hee

Jenna said...

Aw, I think it's cute. It sounds like something I made up once for the kids at the daycare I used to volunteer at back when I still lived in Florida. Fortunately for us little kids are easily entertained. ;)

christine said...

HA...loved it! And thank YOU...I figured out what to post. WHEW!!!

Abby Annis said...

That was awesome! Thanks for sharing! :)

Eric said...

This is awesome stuff. Sure, it's lighthearted and silly, but it's still really great. Nice job.

Sarah Bromley said...

This was fun. I like the Spicy Mandarin Chicken. If only I could be so easily forever fed and happy.

Shaun Hutchinson said...

You totally need to have more characters named Nikki Pickle. Great post :)

B.J. Anderson said...

Awe, that's so fun! I can totally see a little kid loving it. :D

Kat Harris said...

Niki Pickle. I love the name.

This was a lot of fun to read.

Rebecca Knight said...

I love that Mandy turned to mush under the insults :P! Great stuff, dude!

Suzyhayze said...

A+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love this!

Anonymous said...

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Sincerely yours